Saturday, August 11, 2007

And just to keep in theme with the baby posts, the big rumor right now is that Lindsay Lohan may be pregnant accordng to OK! Magazing. Unfortunately, I think this may be just too good to be true. And if it is true, she'll probably just give birth to a mound of chewed up coke baggies and Herpecin.

I'm not really sure what parallel reality Nicole Richie lives in that allows her to conceive despite her anorexic status but I'm going to hope for the best and pray for an alien baby because an alien baby would be fucking AWESOME! Oh please, I know you're at your desk right now thinking the same. Don't deny it.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

I would like to thank Paris Hilton for dating within her gene pool. It's by far the best thing she's done since getting out of jail. Last night Ms. Paris Hilton was seen necking with none other than Mr. Cisco Adler of White Snake and also Mischa Barton's and Kimberly Stewart's former boyfriend.

If you don't know what he looks like, this story is not complete, so check him out here:

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

So, just in case you were unconscious yesterday, Lindsay Lohan was caught in a sort of car chase that ended at a police station, and her arrest, for dui, driving with a suspended license, oh and, you'll never believe this, possession of cocaine, which was in her pocket, but not hers.

At least the little stint she had in rehab worked a little ... hey man, there was at least some coke left to be caught with.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Remember the days when Courtney Love was hot, skinny, had beautiful breasts, was not an alcolholic, and was mildly coherant? Yeah me neither ... check out the insanity that is Courtney Love here!

Friday, July 20, 2007

I took A to the gas station immediately proceeding picking her up from the airport. She needed something to eat and a drink. For those of you not familiar with Miami, our airport is like... not near any gas stations where I'd recommend actually getting out of the car and going into the facility. So, I made A wait a bit to get to a more civilized gas station albeit uncivilized by normal standards. We went in, she scoped out the doughnuts and finally settled on a green tea and an apple. She went up to the teller to pay when some fancy pre-moistened hand wipes in a dispenser caught her attention. She started playing with them and the teller stated, "those are free!" With delight A grabbed one and stuffed it in her bag. "What a civilized world we live in" I thought "first Publix, now the trashy corner gas station where you can catch pretty much every std known to man in 5 minutes of unsavory backseat behavior. The very gas station where you can get every drug known to man and then some. My how we've progressed into a world where cleanliness is emphasized no less. Holy shit." I chastised myself for my previous thoughts having to do with how many people within throwing range actually grew up with a toilet, rather than defecating into a dirt hole.

A exclaimed "I'm going to take two" and smiled, I smiled a warm and fuzzy smile back.

Life was good.

The teller then gave A her change and said, "Wait... do you know how to use those?"

::stares blankly and fears for life::

Thursday, July 19, 2007

I was in Target today doing some shopping, because shopping is better than Prozac, when I heard some very classy young lady enthusiastically answer her cell. I was in the changing room trying on some very hot items from the Libertine line (which is almost as exciting for me as Proenza Schouler was, but not quite) when I hear the following:

"Hey, I sure missed you this past weekend. I had a girl for you ... and a girl for me ... and we each could have taken a leg and broken her in half like a wish bone. Yeah, yeah, well, I just got $1200 from her asshole Daddy and I'm going to buy her a cell phone to keep track of her ... She's in foster care. Yeah, I gotta go to parenting classes ... I'm not going to learn anything because really, what's there to learn about parenting ... oh yeah?"

Saturday, July 14, 2007

I tried to work out with P90X last night, but apparently I'm not EXTREME enough. I talked to my friend M for a good hour this morning which I always enjoy - I really with she'd move back to Miami, alas.

I'm at the store now. Waiting. There is such glare in the front of the store that when someone comes in, if I'm walking to the front from the back of the room, I can't make out what the person looks like at all. They're just a moving shadow. It's a good thing that we have those security cameras.